Resting Postures of Koalas, Judged For Practicality and Style.

(a) …I’m sorry, what? This is your ‘basic posture’? When a koala wants a rest - which, let’s remember, is practically always - this is the go-to? It’s a mess, koalas. I’m sorry to be harsh, but pull yourself together. First off, neither of your forepaws are holding on to the tree. One’s tucked clear behind it, and heaven knows what the other’s up to. Granted, both rear paws are hanging on for dear life, but then they would have to be. You’re quadrupeds, koalas. Get it together. 

b) I mean, marginally better, I suppose. At least you’ve got one paw each side. But you look like you’re having an existential crisis. And you’re still not holding the damn tree.

c) What are you looking at? You’re a koala. Whatever it is, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a potential prey, then it’s a leaf, it’s not going anywhere. If it’s a potential predator, it’ll eat you if it wants to. Neither flight nor flight are realistic options for you, koalas, you might as well relax. Some practicality points, I suppose, for actually using your front paws for once. But… what exactly is going on with your back half? I’m not even sure what I’m looking at there. To be fair, this might not be your fault so much as your illustrator, who I assume is Smith (1979). You might want to have a word with Smith, Koalas. I’m beginning to suspect they’re not on your side. 

d) Wow. Ok. I mean, obviously it’s ludicrous, but… I can’t deny it’s got flair. This koala is inevitably going to fall out of their tree in the next twenty to forty seconds, but right now they’re on the top of the world looking down on creation, and I haven’t the heart to criticise. Go for it. 

e) Ok, that’s surprisingly intense. This is your normal ground posture, koalas? Really? The ‘furious coffee table’? Well, it’s stable, for once. But I reckon you could take the attitude down three or four notches. Once again, remember what you are. You’re koalas. No-one is going to mistake you for Robert de Niro. 

f) Yes! This! This one! This is sitting, koalas. This is what it looks like. You look stable, you look symmetrical, you look almost half way to being a normal sensible animal. Stick with this one all week long, with perhaps a session of e) for Saturday night, and d) for Sunday morning. 

g) What’s this, koala stealth mode? Are you stalking an antelope? Get up, koalas, you look ridiculous. And what have you done to your ears? 

h) You’re going to roll away, koalas. That’s what’s going to happen here. One breath of wind, and you are quite simply going to roll away.