I was infuriated by the confusing instructions for assembling some flat-pack furniture.
I avoided work by needlessly alphabetising my DVDs.
I hit my thumb with a hammer.
Join me next week, by when I will have slipped on a banana skin, had my computer explained to me by a child, and enthusiastically slagged someone off before realising that she's standing right behind me, isn't she?
Monday, 26 October 2009
Lazy comedy cliche things that actually happened to me this weekend.
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6 comments:
I work in a library (really!), so whenever I hit my thumb with a hammer, I have to run outside prior to going “AARRRGHHH!!!!”.
Nice observation of tired sitcom clichés, which additionally serves to illustrate radio comedy’s superior writing requirement, given most of these gags are rendered impractical on the radio.
Yours, narrowly avoiding an exposed man-hole and lamp–post on the way home from work, as the myopic vicar’s coming for tea tonight and the Swedish au-pair has stained her dress so is hiding in the downstairs cupboard in her underwear. And John Prescott’s invited too, so my jealous wife’s bought Gregg’s entire stock which she intends to store in the downstairs cupboard.
I've done the slagging-off-someone-while-she's-standing-behind-me thing. It's been years and I'm still trying to laugh about it...
You should have a soap opera week instead.
This would involve:
- enfolding someone in an embrace but secretly doing a thousand-yard stare behind her back
- closing your front door after an unpleasant conversation, then leaning back onto it with a heavy sigh
- jerking your head round suddenly as if shot when attempting to eavesdrop.
Another use of a corrupted Houseman’s verse in response to your week’s events... Sorry; I don’t know why I keep using this medium to convey comments but it seems apt! Again, just the first 2 lines are Houseman’s (from “A Shropshire Lad”) but the rest are all mine (not sure I should really own up to them!)
‘Terence, this is stupid stuff
You eat your victuals fast enough
But crap you are at DIY
So f’ off back to MFI
And no more shall you collate my
Growing collection of medii (ay!)
For thou art crass and clumsy, yay!
With hammer, saw and.. oh I say!
“Watch out”, on where you place your feet
Unhapp’ly you will find your seat
Upon the floor. Then you may hear
“’Ere mister, this your crap compu’er gear?”
From spotty oik who’s mum will look
“Slag” you say out loud.... and then “Oh Fuck”.....
P.S I am quite a dab hand at assembling Flat Packed furniture ~ construction and fitting undertaken, own tools, anytime. Reasonable rates!
I hate it when you overhear the doctor discussing your test results and saying things like "won't last the week", then after you've quit your job, abused the boss and spent all your savings you find out he was actually discussing his old garden shed.
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