Yesterday, John and Kevin's Sunday Papers went to the races. We discuss, among other things, just how easy it is to inadvertently buy a horse.
Today, at 6:30 on Radio 4 and iPlayer thereafter, I will be lying to Jack Dee, Alex Horne and Lucy Beaumont about pubs, on The Unbelievable Truth.
Sadly, the following headline from the Mirror did not appear on the first Sunday of the month, and so Kevin and I couldn't cover it. But then again, I'm sort of glad, because that would have meant reading the story, and I feel sure I'd have found the explanation disappointing.
Monday, 7 April 2014
Posted by John Finnemore at 6:16 pm
Thursday, 20 March 2014
That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen! Roll up, roll up, to use STEPS here, the hot new craze in ascension that's sweeping the nation! Other houses in this street may make you clamber up muddy slopes to the door, or employ circus strongmen to lift you up to the porch... but not here! Here you can use STEPS! STEPS - eight levels of pure adrenaline!
Please keep your hands on the bannister at all times whilst using STEPS. STEPS not recommended for pregnant women or those with weak hearts. You must be as tall as this sign to use STEPS. STEPS may go down as well as up.
Thursday, 6 March 2014
Sorry if this is a rather self-indulgent post, but I really do have to thank the extraordinary and talented fans of Cabin Pressure for some of the astonishingly creative ways they've been saying thank you since the final recording.
First, this wonderful video. Never have so many people, in so many places and in so many languages, done quite so many silly things with so many lemons, hats, yellow cars and Toblerones. I absolutely love it (and the Arthur-in-a-box it came with) - thank you all so much!
Next, at the recording I was given a copy of this incredible book, which is a compilation of the work of some extremely talented artists and cartoonists, and their portrayals of everything from Carolyn presenting Herc with Finn McCool III, to Martin in the back of the goose truck, to the crew's favourite meals to… well, to what the crew would look like if they were all cats. It's absolutely tremendous, though I am sickened by how much better than me at drawing you all are.
Last but not least, thank you for all the individual cards and letters that have been sent to me, or given to me at the recording. They mean an awful lot, and I will reply to all the ones with return addresses eventually - sorry if it takes a while.
Maybe everyone who writes a show thinks this, but I really do feel the people who like my show are an unusually talented, generous, thoughtful and, above all, deeply silly lot. Thank you so much! You are truly… (here it comes, I've been using similes all through this post so I can save it up for the end)… Brilliant!
UPDATE: Since I first posted this, I have also been shown this wonderful song. Thank you!
Posted by John Finnemore at 12:37 pm
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Kevin and I have been looking at the papers again today. Includes some useful holiday advice for anyone who- like Kevin- has been intimidated by an elephant into booking twenty holidays at once, but is left cold by falconry. I assume that's most people.
John and Kevin's Sunday Papers
Posted by John Finnemore at 2:52 pm
Friday, 28 February 2014
Well, that's it - as of last Sunday I am officially that guy who used to write Cabin Pressure. It is a very strange feeling. I will write more about it when the show is broadcast. (We still don't know when that'll be. The Christmas Eve thing is plausible, but it's only a rumour - no-one from the BBC has confirmed that to us. Personally, I hope they can make it a bit sooner, but it's their decision.) For now, I just want to say thank you again to our marvellous audience - both those who were in the Drill Hall last Sunday (No spoilers! I'm counting on you!) and those who would have liked to have been, but weren't. You guys are great. Hope you enjoy Zurich!
(Oh, yes: it IS called Zurich. For ages and ages it was going to be called Zanzibar, just to surprise people, and I'm still a bit sorry that it's not. But the bit which justified calling it that was one of the many victims of the cuts required to get my original 14,500 word draft down to 9,000 ish words, so Zurich it is...)
Posted by John Finnemore at 5:30 pm
Monday, 3 February 2014
|'Well, it's about time!'|
Hello! I'm very happy to announce that we now have a recording date for the final episode of Cabin Pressure. It will be at 7pm on Sunday the 23rd February, at the RADA Studios in London.
How can I get tickets?
Tickets are free, and you will be able to enter the draw for them here when the BBC make them available - I don't know exactly when they'll do that. When they do, applications will be open for a couple of days, and then the draw for tickets will be made from all applications received; so although you do need to hit that two day or so window, you don't have to get in early within it.
Please note that although the BBC have very kindly agreed to over-book as little as they dare, they will still be over-booking a bit, so getting a ticket does not guarantee you a seat. So if you get a ticket, and you're thinking of travelling a long way in order to attend, it's probably worth getting to the venue an hour or two before the show.
Why aren't you doing it in a bigger venue, so more people can come?
I know, I wish we could. It's partly budget (the tickets are free, remember), but it's mostly because it would change the way the audience sounds on the radio.
Will you be doing one of those secret try-outs in a pub you did for the last series?
When will the show be broadcast?
I don't know - it hasn't been scheduled yet. I'll tell you, here, as soon as I know.
What happens in the end?
Heaven knows. I'm still writing it.
Are you excited?
Oh Good Lord yes.
Posted by John Finnemore at 4:10 pm
Monday, 13 January 2014
- Just going to shops, can I get you anything?
- Thanks! Toothpaste; Earl Grey tea; and the I-Spy book of Oxford.
- …Ok. But I'm only going to the little Sainsbury's. What if they don't have it?
- Then normal tea's fine.
- No, I meant… what if they don't have the I-Spy book of Oxford?
- Huh? Of course they'll have it! This is the middle of London! What self-respecting mini supermarket would fail to stock the I-Spy book of Oxford?
- You're probably right. But, just in case?
- Well. If for some strange reason they HAVE run out, just get me the I-Spy book of Edinburgh.
- …Ok. Fine.
Posted by John Finnemore at 6:46 pm
Thursday, 9 January 2014
- Radio 4 are repeating the first series of Souvenir Programme on Thursdays at 6:30, starting today. Today's includes the Three Guards sketch, and The Man Who Makes The Noise of the Tardis.
- Cabin Pressure has been nominated for best comedy and also, pleasingly if slightly confusingly, best comedy drama at the BBC Audio Drama awards. I will find out which it is - if either - on January 26th.
- It's also time for the comedy.co.uk awards, which are voted for by the public. If you should feel like voting for either CP or JFSP, I certainly won't stand in your way.
Posted by John Finnemore at 4:37 pm
Sunday, 5 January 2014
Here is a little experiment my friend Kevin and I are trying. If it goes well, we'll do another next month.
John and Kevin's Sunday Papers - January 5th 2014
Also, I will be on The Unbelievable Truth on Radio 4 tomorrow at half past six, being untrustworthy.
Posted by John Finnemore at 11:56 pm
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Saturday, 14 December 2013
Friday, 6 December 2013
So anyway, apparently there was once a type of wombat the size of a hippopotamus. Which is good news, surely. It was called the diprotodon (though it didn't know that at the time) and it lived in Australia, (though it didn't know that either), during the Pleistocene era (though it didn't… you get the idea).
Unlike more elusive Australian fauna, such as the Bunyip and the Dropbear, we have actual fossil records of the diprotodon, and so we know what it looked like - at least on the inside. As with dinosaurs, artists providing impressions of what it looked like on the outside differ about things like type and colour of coat, shape of nose, etc. But on one thing every artist who's ever drawn a diprotodon agrees. It was massively pissed off.
|'Oh yeah? You got a remark to make about the nose? Then let's hear it, wise guy. Give it your best shot.'|
|'I swear, if that's those kids next door fooling around again, I'll...'|
|'Why did she leave me? Why? Is it because I'm a giant wombat? But SHE'S a giant wombat! We're ALL giant wombats!'|
Well, ok. Maybe not EVERY artist...
|'Guys! So glad you could make it! Come through! Coats on the left, drinks on the right...'|
(NB. I do not have the rights to any of these illustrations. I'm very happy to credit or remove them on request.)
Sunday, 24 November 2013
Once on this blog, I put up a picture of a gate-spring who really loved being a gate-spring.
I now present a steam-roller quietly looking forward to another day's steam-rolling.
Posted by John Finnemore at 11:33 pm
Monday, 18 November 2013
Shame they couldn't get Lurhmann himself to write it, though. I hope this Fitzgerald guy can pull off his style.
Posted by John Finnemore at 11:58 pm
Friday, 15 November 2013
Ah, Christmas is coming, and good old Costa coffee are celebrating with some Little Moments of Festive Fun. How heart-warming. Little moments of festive fun, such as… the bloodily decapitated body of Father Christmas.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Posted by John Finnemore at 12:47 pm
Monday, 11 November 2013
Posted by John Finnemore at 11:51 am
Sunday, 1 September 2013
Hello! I'm on holiday, but just a note to say firstly, I have many incredibly important opinions about sea otters to share with you in today's Observer ; and secondly that the first episode of the new series of Souvenir Programme will be on BBC Radio 4 at 6:30 this Tuesday. Hope you enjoy one, or the other, or even both.
Posted by John Finnemore at 3:14 pm
Monday, 12 August 2013
I bet you're really sick of looking at Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
Sorry about the silence, I've had my hands a bit full of writing and recording the new series of John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme, which is now DONE, and will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 starting next month.
(In the meantime, you can buy the first series, and pre-order the second, on CD here: