Friday, 6 April 2012

Everything Must Go!!!


That's right!! It's ALL for SALE! Hurry hurry hurry, because these bargains won't be around for long! Avoid that soulless clinical look with our pre-stained and pre-broken whiteboards! Teach your child about depression with Princess Teardrop's Grey Castle of Sadness! Beat the rush by getting your Christmas tree in April - now available in fashionable brown! Or why not simply let Lady Luck into your life with one of our Plastic Bags O' Mystery! Contents guaranteed to be surprising! (Terms and conditions apply. Surprises may be upsetting or horrifying as well as nice. By taking ownership of a Bag O' Mystery, you are also liable for any crimes they may contain evidence of)

38 comments:

Chris Chapman said...

I don't care what the shiny thing is, but it's shiny, so I want four.

Sparrow said...

LOL, but do you take paypal and do international shipping? Only John Finnemore can take a picture of a garage sale and make it funny :)

Cringing Wretch said...

I'll take a few bricks from the wall, the dirt bike in the corner if it still runs and the camera that took the picture. (It does say All for sale.)

Anonymous said...

Mystery bag for me please. I like surprises!

Are we sure this stuff isn't for Sally, and they just can't spell?

Saff :-)

muerps said...

At least they didn't write "All for sail".

Nance said...

The garbage can lid is really shiny. I'll take it.

Anonymous said...

anon in hull shakes head like the big anglepoise lamp in Luxo. Wonders if you hit on the Priory because you sit at the front on the bus and so could recce it in advance? Nice pub very helpful staff, just wish I could remember more of the show.

Bean said...

I'll take the picture in frame please. It looks so browny-bluey.

09Sienna_Pyre said...

The /best/ way to get rid of your dead bodies and murder weapons. }:D

Lets be fair though, at least they didn't add a maniacally cheery exclamation mark at the end, as if they were saying:

"Yes! l know! It's /all/ for sale! You can buy any bit you want! Aren't you lucky?"


Ahem. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for brightening up my day (night?) a little!

Daedalus said...

wrap it all up and send it to Ed Reardon for slagging off David Mitchell in the last episode of his eponymous Week.

Pauline said...

No, I think they were just trying to throw away a sign they had previously used at a sale of nice things. But it didn't fit in the bin.

Pauline said...

And on another note, just how HARD is it to throw away an old rubbish bin?

Rob said...

People hitting the hard times. Come on.

ClosetDiva (aka Kate K) said...

@ Pauline - on this other side of the Pond, it's quite easy to get rid of an old rubbish bin if it's made of metal. A friend of ours put theirs out for the regular pick-up, and in the morning their trash bags were still there, but the bins were gone!

(Which just goes to prove that we need more John Finnemore over here - then people would be too busy enjoying all that lovely comedy instead of committing petty crimes!)

Fiona Pickles said...

I'll take the useful blue rubbish sacks and the slightly-used wheelie bin, thanks!

Daedalus said...

@ClosetDiva: I'm not sure that having night scavengers in US towns is anything to be proud of. On the other hand they're not exactly the chiffoniers of old. I once cut up some heavy angle iron and put it out, only to see it loaded into a passing car by an old lady.

Daedalus said...

By "chiffonier" I mean a 19th century French rag-gatherer, not the eponymous piece of furniture.

prwelly said...

This is enterprising!!

What IS the going rate for bags of old hedge clippings? I've got four bags just waiting to be taken up to the green waste place today but your post/their audacity has now given me an idea.

Now where's my little whiteboard...?

ClosetDiva (aka Kate K) said...

@ Daedalus: Apologies, I didn't mean to make that sound as if I were proud of the night scavengers/chiffoniers.
(And a sincere thank you - as a writer I'm always interested in learning new vocabulary & historical facts!)

TheAddict said...

Off topic, but can't help noticing that next Saturday (April 14) is the Sheep Grand National - www.thebigsheep.co.uk/family-attractions/springevents.html

I'm particularly fascinated by the statement "We hold are [sic]normal sheep races every day at 3:50pm.

Normal sheep races?? Mr Finnemore, I'm sure your imagination can run riot with this...

Annie said...

That castle would be the perfect abode for the gnome of doom on my neighbor's ledge! Who do I contact to make an offer?

Anonymous said...

anon in hull wonders if she or Annie should carry a health warning, just tried to inhale a mouth full of tea, very funny :-)

Pipit said...

Say what you will, it takes chutzpa to try to get money for a dried up, dead Christmas tree!

Laura G said...

A fine win on The Unbelievable Truth, Mr Finnemore. Well done you.

Anonymous said...

Anon in Hull is watching 10 o clock live, it is good, David Starkey was brilliant :-). John is there anything you cant do, you know like Douglas doesnt experience either??

Anonymous said...

I see a very attractive brick wall in the background. Can I have it? (Since you say that everything in this picture for sale.)I want to clarify that I need not 2-3 bricks, but the entire wall, possibly with surrounding buildings.

Anonymous said...

The Apprentice team missed a trick here. Maybe if they'd known about that brown tree they'd have made shabby chic of it and won the task!

challengerebecca said...

If you sign the "All for sale" sign, I'll have that and give you £5. You cannot argue with a mark-up like that! :D

Anonymous said...

"ask what those little stalky things on giraffes' heads are for."
super hardened soft cartilege, males have bald ones females have hairs on theirs, like sneetches then perhaps??
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_horn-like_objects_on_the_head_of_a_giraffe

Anonymous said...

anon in hull has just downloaded the soap boxes, ho ho ho :-)

Bean said...

Surely only the French could make rag-gatherers sound chic! Chiffoniers...ooo la la I vill 'ave deux pour ma maison! Merci! In Martin's (or Benedict's) best French accent.

Anonymous said...

anon in hull hangs head in shame, dont even like dark choc toblerone, no spot hit, loved them when i was about 7 :-(. Sorry Arthur

Anonymous said...

Dear John, anon in Hull asks if you
heard the one about the pilot too busy on his mobile to drop wheels, well you have now. Would HAVE to be Douglas of course :-P
http://news.uk.msn.com//blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=8b598229-310b-48a1-a553-44a6ce4af523

EllenMayer said...

Just wanted to say, I've been listening to Cabin Pressure...and YOU ARE AMAZING. Thank you so much!! :D

spitfire.k8 said...

Hey! Hands off my stuff! signed, Sale (Mr)

Anonymous said...

too much cumberbitching, but look what i found, this is really nice, shame its not on a t shirt website
http://thecakeisalive.tumblr.com/post/9827626283

Anonymous said...

simply dropping by to say hello

Cindyvdxl said...

Say what you will, it takes chutzpa to try to get money for a dried up, dead Christmas tree!