Sunday, 28 August 2005

Oh, sorry, were you waiting?

Well, I hope that's given you enough time to really think about my thoughts on Madame Tussaud's poster campaign. Sorry. I probably ought to have said I was going on holiday for twelve days. Then again, I estimate at least a third of my readership were on holiday with me, and the rest of you probably struggled on somehow.

Anyway: Five Things I Learnt On My Holidays.

I get better at Boules the more I drink.

If you're going to get stuck in some rapids in a canoe, a good idea is not to allow the canoe to get stuck tilted at such an angle that the on-rushing water fills it up, and you can't get out, and it's too heavy to turn over, and then you drown.

It's not just a cliche, it's a sombre fact - no one outside Great Britain has the first idea about tea. Not the faintest clue. Marianne's tea highlight of the trip was non-boiling Earl Grey, with a plastic tub of cream. Yum.

Driving and navigating in France is easier if you and your navigator agree early on not to make the slightest effort at all to pronounce the names of the places on signs properly, but simply ruthlessly anglicise them to words they look a bit like. On which basis I can heartily recommend the charming villages of St Hilary of the Breathmints; The Largeness of Bernard and Licorice Hat.

When Kevin says he's the detective, he's not lying. When Karl does, he is.

6 comments:

James Lark said...

It all sounds very exciting. Do you have any photographs? Some visual record of the canoe experience would be brilliant; failing that I'd settle for a picture of Kevin being the detective.

marianne said...

I have a picture of Kevin holding a bag of string beans. Would that be of interest?

John F said...

There is, I believe, footage of me making an arse of myself in the canoe, yes. However, should the photographer in question choose to make this public, I would be forced to do the same with my footage of HIM putting way, WAY too much effort into his charade of 'Naked Gun 33 1/3'.

Jenncat said...

Well I would start off, if you going down rapids in a canoe, that is if it is a kayak, to wear a spraydeck, it is a rather good device which limits how much water finds its way into your boat.

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