Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Not all they're cracked up to be.




Oh dear, Sainsbury's. Are you having trouble with your Easter crackers? Were your Easter crackers not as big a seller as you hoped? Do you find yourself with a lot of Easter crackers left over? I wonder what went wrong. After all, your Easter crackers are very nice, with all the pretty springtime colours and chick and bunny labels one expects to find on Easter crackers. I really don't understand why your customers have apparently gone elsewhere to buy their traditional Easter crackers. Oh, no, wait a minute, I think I've got it... there's no such thing as Easter Crackers! There's your problem, Mr. Sainsbury, right there - Easter crackers are not a thing. And you can't turn them into a thing just by making them and assuming everyone will go 'Oh, we have to have Easter crackers now, do we? Ok then, here's a fiver'. 

(And good luck with selling off the Easter crackers no-one wanted at Easter now that it's not even Easter. I'm not sure 70% off is enough. I think you'd have to pay me.)

17 comments:

Mags said...

The retail market does seem to have gone cracker mad. I saw some 'Love' ones around Valentine Day and I'm betting that come the next big holiday they will be taking another 'crack' at it.

Heck they may even try and do Summer Crackers to be used at barbecues. If they don't, then that's my idea.

Along with Birthday Crackers, Hallowe'en Crackers, St Andrew's Day Crackers and Mothering Sunday Crackers.

Jessica said...

Of course, you could just buy the Easter crackers, take the bunny and chick labels off and replace them with an appropriate image for the event of your choice that you feel is in need of the excitement of crackers ... et voila! Obviously I don't know what's inside the crackers so the gift could be completely inappropriate to the event. but it would make a talking point!

In my humble opinion crackers should be just for christmas, not for life (unlike dogs & cats).

John, I hope you bought a pack just to make sure. What were the gifts by the way. And were there silly hats?

Jessica said...

P.S. I went into Sainsbury's today. There were no crackers but plenty of Easter eggs. I refrained, and bought wine instead.

Miss Pear said...

Good grief. Considering the meaning of Easter, why don't we just stuff the dead in cracker-shaped coffins and then, when it comes to burial, have three pall-bearers at each end, pulling until the body falls into the hole? Wearing a paper hat, of course. I'm not totally morbid. (Until it comes to the cremation alternative...)

If after three days the deceased manages to come back from the grave, they are therefore the Offspring of the Almighty and therefore obliged to get the first round in afterwards.

kodama said...

I'm afraid I don't follow... When crackers are used then? I'm not living in the UK and I'm not familiar with the tradition... ;(

Miss Pear said...

@kodama - Crackers are pretty much exclusively used at Christmas, a time of joy and celebration - as opposed to Easter, a time of death and chocolate.

kodama said...

@Miss Pear: Oh, now I get it! Thank you very much!
"Every day a new nugget of knowledge", citing Douglas ;D
Maybe they should stick Santa's hats on those bunnies and leave them until Xmas. I've never seen a pastel Christmas Tree but it could be a new trend in Christmas decorations! More accurate than crackers on Easter ;D

Ginge said...

I know what crackers are, but honest to goodness, the first thing that popped into my head was, 'What the heck is an Easter cracker?'

theficklepickle said...

I've seen 'birthday party' and 'dinner party' crackers and even 'adult crackers' (which I didn't investigate too closely), but these are just bizarre. I hope Sainsbury's don't persist with these; crackers should be special to Christmas, like Christmas pudding and mulled wine and The Great Escape on BBC.

@ kodama - unfortunately I have seen a pastel Christmas tree; a shop near us had pink, blue and lilac ones last year, as well as the more traditional (!) gold, white, red and black. There were even some green ones.

Chris said...

Best cross off that Cadbury's Creme Egg off your Christmas List

Claire said...

Following the link from Twitter and therefore not having the image, I thought it was some kind of biscuit based product to go with the traditional Easter cheese.

kodama said...

@ theficklepickle: Christmas trees naturally comes in green, I suppose ;D But you're right, it would be dreadful idea. This mental image... ugh!

As for Christmas/Easter exclusivness, it should concern the weather as well!
IT WAS SNOWING in Poland yesterday. And the temperature is dropping below 0oC in the night.

Lucy said...

I think they should make personalised crackers for my birthday and try and make that a national holiday as well.

Wonder if anyone's done royal wedding crackers yet......

ClosetDiva (aka Kate K) said...

How bad is it that I'm now thinking "Cabin Pressure" crackers - complete w/ captain's hat, small oxygen mask, a mini bottle of Talisker, and a packet of cashews? (Although perhaps Captain Crieff would be too upset about the hat - maybe a copy of Arthur's?)

Miss Pear said...

Lucy said: Wonder if anyone's done royal wedding crackers yet......
Is it cynical of me that the first items I thought of for these were miniature divorce papers? And then that got me on to Prince Harry Paternity Testing Kits... For shame.

@ClosetDiva (aka Kate K) - Don't forget the portion of cheese, although that'd mean the crackers would need a long shelf life! (There's a bad pun in there regarding "from one cracker to another", but I didn't say that.)

Mags said...

@ClosetDiva (aka Kate K). They tried the Cabin Pressure Crackers but they got stuck on the mottos.

Douglas's were too rude, Martin's were all complex questions pertaining to the aircraft and Arthur - well less said about Arthur's contributions the better.

Though the more I think about it those St Andrew's Day Crackers aren't a bad idea. Little Scottish charms + tartan crown + Scottish quote or motto. Near Christmas so no-one gets too confused and if they don't work I can always flog them to the Yanks and Japanese. If I get started on them now, I should have them done by Nov.

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