Alt text: poire à la éléphant
Tuesday, 19 December 2023
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Who are you, anyway?
- John Finnemore
- I am the man in this photograph of me. Writer, comedian and actor. I wrote Cabin Pressure, and now write John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme, and Double Acts.
More of this sort of thing.
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December
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- More Things Than None - One of Them
- Some Things - Two of Which are These
- Things - A Thing
- As Someone Quite Rightly Points Out, Actually an E...
- A Certain Number of Things - Thing Seven
- 24 Or So Or Less Or Not Things - Thing Six
- 24 Things -Thing 5
- 24 Etc Etc - Thing Four
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An almost entirely unhelpful index.
- Articulate Guesses (5)
- Badverts (31)
- Biscuits (5)
- Brass Plaques (4)
- Brilliant Things (4)
- Cabin Pressure (37)
- Comedy (7)
- Correspondents And Their Correspondence (5)
- Dead Earls (4)
- Didn't Know That Yesterday (17)
- Dogs in Hats (5)
- Double Acts (1)
- Drawings (47)
- Ducks (3)
- Eggs Eggs Eggs Eggs (3)
- Elephants (5)
- Fierce Creatures (15)
- Games (16)
- Get Dressed Ye Merry Gentlemen (14)
- Graffiti (5)
- Grow Up Finnemore (4)
- Innumerable (1)
- Innumerable Ones (4)
- Interesting People (11)
- John and Kevin's Sunday Papers (7)
- John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme (20)
- Jokes (5)
- Less Fun Than You'd Think (2)
- Lists (8)
- Massive Pies (3)
- Massive Yachts (2)
- Mice (7)
- Mocking The French (4)
- More Fun Than You'd Think (4)
- My Important Opinions (5)
- Names (9)
- Not Mocking The French (5)
- Otters (1)
- Overheard (4)
- Poems (1)
- Posts Where I Get Things Wrong (3)
- Quotations (7)
- Silly old bear (4)
- Small Silly Jokes (20)
- Statuary (3)
- Stupidity - My Own (17)
- Stupidity - Other People's (9)
- The Now Show (2)
- The Unbelievable Truth (3)
- Those That Belong To The Emperor (2)
- Thrilling Library Yarns (10)
- Unfierce Creatures (15)
- Writing (3)
- Zoos (4)
28 comments:
Well now. 'Tis a weak, callow effort, but there is promise there. You have raw talent, my boy, but only tireless practice will make it pay. Try again...
I like pears…
If I were a lesser person, I'd say that was a very low BarBar for meeting the festive criteria.
But I think I'll ignore the elephant in the room.
Apologies if I've upset anyone with my *character's* cheeky comment. It's a line from John's "Triangle Maker's Apprentice" sketch from series 8 of JFSP. I probably should have made that clear. I actually think this Thing is magnificent.
v.edgy - I got it!
Thank you, Kirsty. Thank you. I feel infinitely better. My character, however, is absolutely furious with me for not holding my nerve. ;)
Which anyone should've known or else kept shtum. I hope you listened to 6:1 today (the Boxing Day of Boxing Day) or over the festive season at least. Merry sprouts, V.edgy x
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Helen in Mustardland, I'm afraid to confess I didn't listen to all of 6:1 on the 27th- only the song- but I've just made amends. Hope you and your loved ones had very merry sprouts. And may I be the first to wish you, a happy new parsnip! X
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I am always somewhat curious as to why anyone would use the comments section of Mr Finnemore's blog to advertise hacking services and engineering productions in China amongst various others.
I'm assuming it had nothing to do with John or his oeuvre, and is more to do with spambots finding free ways to advertise, but I can't imagine anyone would ever actually choose to act on these adverts either.
In the spirit of it though, I have some spare biscuits if anyone would like to buy them?
All the best
Alex
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Coucou: ici Nicole! On dit 'une poire à l'élephant'. P.S. Le bébé éléphant se nomme l'éléphanteau. C'est joli, je trouve.
Sadly I must not retract my offer of biscuits.
They are now eaten, and a small pile of crumbs is now all that is left of my entreprenurial venture.
I apologise, and leave you instead to the hackers and oriental printed circuit-board manufacturers for your earthly delights.
I may have more biscuits in future.
To any others considering dipping their toes in the waters of international commerce, it would be fair to say, though, that the biscuit-buyers of Forget What Did did not excatly beat a path to my door. Possibly you'll have better luck elsewhere.
Cheerio
Alex
Dear Alex C,
It is with much regret that I learn of the retraction of your biscuit offer. I had foolishly assumed it was SPAM, and that you were, indeed, yourself... a robot. Yes, and three things from your advert lead me to this conclusion:
1) Your use of the term "spare biscuits". This completely threw me. "Who in the name of Giuseppe Garibaldi has *spare* biscuits?", I thought.
2) You didn't say what *sort* of biscuits you were offering. No make, no model, no age, no details of the condition of the biscuits, nor anything of the sort. These are important details for all but a small handful of biscuit-buyers.
3) You didn't say that you weren't a robot.
I apologise, and kindly request you put me on a mailing list for any future biscuit offers. Many thanks.
Dear V. Edgy (whose dot shall remain unpronounced).
1) You are correct - while they appeared superfluous to my needs at the time, the biscuits in question were very much needed later on and also delicious.
2) Almond Thins by legendary nibble mogul Jules Destrooper since you ask. I imagine the condition now is rather poor. I appreciate that a connoisseur, such as I assume your good self to be, needs more detail than this. I had half a box still unsealed. So maybe 10 or 12 still to go.
3) I apologise - I had assumed that the little "I'm not a robot" button one presses when submitting these comments had bypassed the necessity for such a revelation. On reflection though it is clear that said button as as much effect on robots as the 'I'm 18' button has on teenage boys wishing to view gratuitous imagery online.
Since I'm now out of the biscuit game, all I have to offer is some peanuts. They are Smokin' Paprika flavour, and as a result reddish in hue. there's about 1/3rd of a bag still in play, and they're made by KP. I had the pleasure of occasional Sunday lunches with the Kenyon family behind KP (being loose relations of a half sister of mine). I can tell you that the art of the Pun was a family tradition with them and the lunches invariably ended up turning into pun marathons, that as a small boy, I found insufferable.
Toodle pip
Alex
p.s. it's about a quarter of a pack now.
Ahoy there, Alex.
1) Very glad to hear it (re the deliciousness).
2) Excellent details. You omitted to list your asking price, but that's my fault for not mentioning that particular detail in my previous reply.
3) Apology warmly accepted.
And more excellent detailing (re the Smokin' Paprika Nuts). So much so that I was tempted to make you an offer. Sadly, as I don't know when you made your generous offer, I fear your nuts may have met the same fate as your biscuits.
Anyway, I'm very much enjoying imagining your Sunday lunches, especially the snack-based pun marathons. In fact, if you could possibly bear it, I'd love to hear one or two of those tasty puns. For your trouble I can offer you some pancake batter from last night that hasn't yet started to go grey. And they're not quite ready, but I can send you a couple of courgettes when they are. How does that sound?
All the best
v.edge out
Wotcher V.Edgy,
Alas I'm no longer a small boy - very much the opposite nowadays and have sucessfully blotted out the effects of those pun marathons, with repeated and liberal doses of wine. If you're into that sort of thing Andy Zaltzman (the comedian and TMS cricket statistician) might be exactly the chap for you. (You tube zaltzman pun run).
I've reflected on my entreprenurial endeavours thus far. It appears I'm forever going to 'get high on my own supply' so I shall gracefully bow out. It appears the Printed Circuit Board manufacturers and hackers might be onto something. There is very little self-indulgence for the PCB boys and Hackers gonna hack regardless of whether they have customers to please.
Best of luck to them I say.
Cheers
Alex
Top of the - whatever part of day it is when you read this - to you, Alex.
Thank you for your pun run recommendation - I'll take a look. In return I wonder whether the MP and serial entrepreneur Chris Philp (@CPhilpOfficial on Twitter) could help you with your endeavours. I mean, no-one knows more about serial entrepreneuring than Chris Philp, apart, perhaps, from W.K. Kellogg.
Anyway, good luck with everything. I'm just off to order a few PCBs in the hope they'll arrive with some of those tiny packets of Haribo in the box. Victory is theirs! (the PCBers, not the Haribo)
Farewell for now.
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