Herbert Beerbohm makes an adjustment

This is Herbert Beerbohm Tree, the actor, and Max Beerbohm, the writer and caricaturist. They were half-brothers; Herbert the older by nineteen years. When Herbert became an actor in 1876, he added 'Tree' (translation of Bohm) to his name. According to Max, this was because he wanted a "shoutable monosyllable, for purposes of applause."

I really like Max's caricatures (this isn't one of his best, perhaps because he was fond of his brother.) He gave a very useful recipe for them, which also applies to a certain kind of comedy writing:

The most perfect caricature is that which, on a small surface, with the simplest means, most accurately exaggerates, to the highest point, the peculiarities of a human being, at his most characteristic moment, in the most beautiful manner.

Aubrey Beardsley

 

J.B. Priestley bubbles with delight.

Here is J.B. Priestley: man of letters; author of 'An Inspector Calls', 'Dangerous Corner' and many other such examinations of the nature of morality and time. 

Would you be inclined to describe him, do you think, as a flibbertigibbet on a weathercock? Me neither. But I tell you who would - J.B. Priestley. Here he is having reached number 61 in a list of things that cause him delight:

You have to work your way up.

Time to resurrect a very ancient tradition of this very ancient blog - a tradition even more ancient than running out of steam with '24 Things' the moment I get into double figures. It's... My Favourite Guesses From Games of Articulate Played Over Christmas.

(You know Articulate? Describer given card with words on it, describes words to guesser. That's it.)

1)

Describer: Thing you use to press clothes.

Guesser: Iron?

Describer: Yes! Now, thing you use to move a rowing boat.

Guesser: Oar?

Describer: Yes! Now put them together....

Guesser: ....Orion! 

2)

Describer: If you want to ride a horse, you sit on a...?

Guesser: Donkey! 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Ten

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Nine

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Eight

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Seven

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Six

 As I said last year, the more elaborate the notebook margin doodle, the harder the day’s writing. This was a tricky day.

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Five

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Four

A collaboration today: original concept and character design by Tom Tetsell. Unnecessary further tinkering by me.

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Three

 

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Two

 

Twenty-Four Things (or Fewer) - Thing One

Let’s see how many I manage this year…

The Mystery of Not Eric Idle's Signature

 On a street in London, between Highbury and Highgate, I recently found a piece of A4 photo-quality paper with what I took to be the signature of the writer, actor and Python Eric Idle.

Given that I have, in the last few years, seen one Python in Hampstead, another one in Highgate, and that there are blue plaques in Highgate pubs to two more, it didn't seem unlikely that a fifth might have been in the area, and signed a piece of paper for someone who subsequently lost it. I thought there was a reasonable chance of restoring it to its owner via Twitter, and was about to try, when I looked up Eric Idle's signature. It looks like this. 

Not even close. So... what I have in fact is a piece of expensive paper on which someone has scrawled the name of a comedian I admire, and then dropped. On a street I often walk down. On a Zoom call recently, I witnessed a friend's small boy bustling in to say: "Dada, I'm making a trap. It's not for anybody. I need your notebook." Had a similar fiendish mastermind set a trap for me? Well, probably not, because on closer inspection, I'm not even sure it does say 'Eric Idle'. The second word is surely Idle, but the first? 

That's not Eric, is it. "Eirc", at best. Or maybe 'Eire'? And there's a full stop after it, so maybe it's a contraction. 'Enc.'? For a moment I thought I'd cracked it when I remembered that engines can idle. But I can't think of a situation where you'd need to scrawl a note to someone telling them that an engine was idling. And anyway, there's no way that last letter's a G. 

So, I thought maybe someone here might know. What does it mean? 

Sisyphus

 

As you can imagine, I am also CONSTANTLY being asked for my recipe for human contentment. Well, here that is too. 

Lasagne

 As you can imagine, I am CONSTANTLY being asked for my lasagne recipe. Well, here it is. 

Scholasticus Hardassus

This is Carl Linnaeus, the famous Swedish naturalist and taxonomist, who invented the binomial system of naming organisms we still use today (eg 'homo sapiens' or 'rattus rattus')

He seems a genial, easy-going sort of chap, doesn't he? 

Well, now. In 1756, Linnaeus fell out with one of his protégés, Daniel Rolander, who refused to show him some plant samples from his expedition to Suriname, which Linnaeus felt he had a right to see. 

In response, Linnaeus... broke into Rolander's rooms (or possibly just barged in, it's not clear, but entered by force at any rate) and stole the samples. 

Then, he used his influence to black-ball Rolander from any further appointments at Stockholm University, essentially wrecking his career. 

And then... he found a tiny, ground-dwelling bug - this one, in fact -

...and gave it the scientific name 'Aphanus Rolandri', or 'Ignoble Rolander'. 

What I'm saying is... do not cross Carl Linnaeus.  Carl Linnaeus is not messing about.

How to listen to Series 9 of John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme

First, the straight-forward practical answer: All six episodes of the ninth series of my radio show John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme are now available here, on BBC Sounds. And the CD and digital download will be released in August by Penguin.

Now the more metaphysical answer. This series is rather different from the previous eight series. I'm very proud of it, and I'd love you to hear it. However, it turns out to be one of those shows where it takes a couple of episodes to get into it... but I think it's fair to say the people who do get into it REALLY get into it. Two days after the final episode aired, I was invited to a Zoom meeting where about a hundred people had got together to share theories, analysis, and poetry about it. That... didn't happen with any of the previous series. And not just because Zoom wasn't a thing then. 

So, if you haven't heard it yet, and this has convinced you, then I recommend not reading anything more about it - just click the link above and dive in. All you need to know is that each episode has a main character, and all the sketches are scenes from their life. Start with episode one... and if at all possible, stick with it till the end of episode three. If you're not enjoying it by then, it's probably not for you, and I'm sorry for wasting your time.

But if that hasn't convinced you, or if you've tried it but you're fogged, here's a little more information. Starting with the character of Russ in episode one, each subsequent episode focusses on someone in their family in the generation above, usually one of their parents. So episode two follows Russ' mother Deborah; episode three her father Jerry, and so on. Therefore, all the characters crop up in each other's episodes, and other secondary characters recur as well, and gradually, you build up a picture of a family spread over the past 130 years or so. However... it is not, in my opinion, necessary to follow exactly who everyone is and how they're related in order to enjoy it. Lots of people have enjoyed making family trees and timelines to follow it with, but you'll be fine without. To get you started, though: in the first sketch of episode one, you'll meet Russ, his partner Alex, their daughter Toby, Russ's mother Deborah, and his grandfather Jerry. 

However. If you can't bear not to know exactly who everyone is, or if you're re-listening to the series, then I highly recommend this wonderful resource made by Jamie Humphries: well.since-you-ask.me . It allows you to go to any sketch in the show, and see who every character is, how they are related to every other character, and even how old they are at the time. Even better, it allows you to click on any character or even theme of the show, and see all the sketches featuring them linked in either broadcast or chronological order. Obviously, therefore, it is by its nature full of spoilers; but actually Jamie does a really clever job of making it fairly hard to stumble over a spoiler by accident. 

I really hope you enjoy the show. In the future, I'll do a post explaining exactly why I had to change the format so radically this series... but the short version is: there's this nasty bug that's been going around.

John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme - Series Nine

If there's one thing you - the readers of this antique, spam-reply-infested blog which I almost never mention elsewhere, and sometimes forget to update for months at a time- know about me, it's that my real talent is for publicity. 

And in accordance with that, I have allowed an entire new series of John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme go out on BBC Radio 4 before it occurred to me I should probably mention it here. 

However, that does at least mean that, at least for now, it's possible to listen to all six episodes on BBC Sounds. I hope you do, because Covid meant we didn't have a live audience for this one; which lead to us doing something quite new, and quite ambitious with this series. I'm rather proud of it, and I think the cast absolutely excel themselves. 

I'm not going to describe it further here, because I want to keep this post spoiler-free, but I hope to do further posts about it later. 

One thing I will say, though - I didn't intend this, but the feedback clearly indicates that this is one of those series where you have to give it a couple of episodes to get the hang of what's going on. Hopefully there's still stuff to enjoy along the way, but if you've enjoyed my stuff in the past, I suggest it might be worth pushing on at least until the end of episode three, even if you don't love the first one. 

To glassware! 

Goats and Daffodils

I think I might start putting these up again. By which I mean, I have started. At least to the tune of one.  

Twenty-four Things -Thing Twenty-four

After William Blake.

Now, I do see how that this might look a bit bleak for a New Year’s post. But I don’t know. The new feller looks a bit friendlier. Or, at least, maybe a bit more tameable? Might take a while, but... by the spring, maybe? Let’s hope so. Happy New Year!

Twenty-four Things - Thing Twenty-three

 

Merry Christmas! And if it wasn't... well, here's to next time.

Twenty-four Things -Thing Twenty-two

\

Twenty-four Things - Thing Twenty-one

 A placeholder? Really? How very 2017.

Twenty-four Things - Thing Twenty

I think I’ve said before that the more tight, tortured and over-worked the marginal doodle, the harder the writing. So, even without the helpful notes to self in the bottom right one, you can tell this is a record of a... tricky three days in May.

 (I normally redact more of my scrawl in photos like this if the project has not yet aired or- in this case- not yet been made. But I’ve just read through everything visible on this page, and if you can get any sense at all of what I’m working on from it, then good luck to you!)

Twenty-four Things- Thing Nineteen

 

This one was not based on anyone, but yes, now it’s been pointed out to me elsewhere, I do see the Simon-Pegg-ness, and indeed the Marc-Warren-ness. To which I would add, the Joel-McHale-ness. Three of our finest intense-eyed, high-fore-headed, lean-faced actors. This drawing, as I say, is of none of them.

Twenty-four Things - Thing Eighteen

Twenty-four Things - Thing Seventeen

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Sixteen

This little scribble-sketch isn’t very good, and I wouldn’t have included it... except that it was drawn on the 12th February this year. Which makes it an accidental recording of the last days of casual, maskless, crowded indoor life. And also about the last time I got to work in one of my favourite ways: at a notebook in a quiet corner of a busy pub or cafe. 

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Fifteen

 

After- such a long way after- Carl Larsson. 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Fourteen

 

I know, I know. Pictures of various middle-aged men and the occasional animal are all very well... but the Christmas season can’t truly begin without a rudimentary diagram of the bone and cartilage structure of the nose.

Well... ding dong merrily on high. 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Thirteen

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Twelve

 .

,

. 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Eleven

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Ten

Scribbles from the US election night coverage. It was freeing to know I only had two to five minutes to spend on each face. I now can’t remember which were Republican and which were Democrat. Though in the case of the lady bottom left, I’d be willing to take a wild guess.

Twenty-four Things - Thing Nine

 

Twenty-four things - Thing Eight

This character design is entirely the result of my spilling coffee on my good paper, and not wanting to waste it, so trying to draw a face around the stain...

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Seven

 '

Twenty-four Things - Thing Six

 

This was a quick field sketch...

...in preparation for this report, made to a (future) professor of natural history of my acquaintance, regarding a curious anomaly...

 

Twenty-four Things - Thing Five

 Couldn’t decide which colouring worked best for her, so here’s a selection box. That’s Christmassy, right?

Twenty-four Things - Thing Four

 Not very Christmassy.  But I never said they would be.

Twenty-four Things - Thing Three

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Two

 Sorry about yesterday - I got distracted by something. So, this one is for the 2nd December: 

It’s a sonrise.

Twenty-Four Things - Thing One

 

Unexpected second acts in the lives of pillow cases.

When this whole present embuggerance began, I bought some home-made face masks from a nice woman who was selling them for charity, back in the 'Blitz spirit' stage of March / April. I bought six or seven, and I've worn one or other of them almost every day since. 

Today, it occurred to me that I therefore now have a collection of half a dozen objects which, when I come across them again in ten or twenty years, will be enormously evocative of this specific year. Just facemarks in general will be that too, of course - a type of clothing most of us never wore before, then wore every day for a year or two... and then, let's hope, never wore again. But since six masks turns out to be about enough to wear in rotation, these six designs I randomly ended up with will be particularly 'nostalgic', if that's the right word for something I plan to look back on with no fondness whatsoever. 

But then I noticed that the designs all have quite a nineties look to them - and realised that of course the maker had just used whatever scraps old material she happened to have. And so these objects, which in the future will sharply bring back 2020/21 to me, would presumably right now remind some complete strangers of, say, their childhood bedroom, or visiting their Granny in 1997. 

I don't know what my point is. Possibly I don't have one. ...No, I don't believe I do. Anyway, here are some of my masks. Try imagining a Seinfeld slap bass sting as you look at them.  

Da-bababa-wow-wow wowww. Boink.

I don't know any poems by Walt Whitman

Sadly, the only poems I know off by heart are very short. (I used to know 'Ozymandias', but I just checked, and... nope.)

Anyway, this morning I noticed that Edna St. Vincent Millay is probably unique in my head-space, in that I know precisely one poem off by heart by her, and one about her. 

The one by her is:

First Fig

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends —
It gives a lovely light!

It's not my favourite of hers, though. My favourite, mostly because of the final couplet, is this one.

Sonnet IV

I shall forget you presently, my dear,
So make the most of this, your little day,
Your little month, your little half a year
Ere I forget, or die, or move away,
And we are done forever; by and by
I shall forget you, as I said, but now,

If you entreat me with your loveliest lie
I will protest you with my favorite vow.
I would indeed that love were longer-lived,
And vows were not so brittle as they are,
But so it is, and nature has contrived
To struggle on without a break thus far, —
Whether or not we find what we are seeking
Is idle, biologically speaking.

And the one I know about her - well, sort of - is I think by David Mamet. At least, he quotes it at the start of one of his plays, and Google doesn't turn up any other attribution for it.

The Reason I Like

The reason I like
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Is that her name.
Sounds like a basketball
     Falling
        Downstairs.

The reason I like
Walt Whitman
Is that his name
Sounds like
Edna St. Vincent Millay
       Falling
           Downstairs.

News from Fitton

It occurs to me I really ought to have mentioned here that an old friend of mine has been borrowing my YouTube account recently to let his friends know how he's coping with self-isolation. (The answer, perhaps unsurprisingly, is 'pretty well').

Here's the first, of seven so far.

My own trumpet

 A lovely thing happened to me this month. The Writer's Guild of Great Britain gave me their Outstanding Contribution to Writing Award.

I find I can't write much about it without dissolving into a puddle of tiresome self-deprecation - I've already had to delete six or seven variations on 'for reasons known only to themselves' from the sentence above. But I will try to hold that off for long enough to say how sincerely honoured and grateful I am to the Guild, and to my dear friend David Tyler; who presented the award, and from whose lovely speech about me I have still not quite recovered. 

Here we both are, looking chuffed. (Just after this photo was taken, David took off his jacket and tie, and instantly became a floating head.)

Photo by Dave Bennett @davebennett