Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Conversations with robots.



I have only just discovered that Blogger has a Spam folder, in which it filters out, but stores, the more obvious spam that is posted in the comments of these posts. However, reading through it, some of the comments there are so personal and human that they can't possibly be spam, and so I can only apologise for the error, and make amends by answering them here now.

Your site is great, and your story gives many other people strength. I marched on up to Post 1 just expecting the usual, but this hit the nail on the head 
You're too kind! I hope you have now been given the strength to march right on up to post 2.
Drop in on us at times to grasp more information and facts in the matter.
I certainly will. Interestingly, this was very nearly the official slogan of the BBC News website.
We Really Should Get In Toch. Have you been an energetic person on leading social networking sites like Digg, Facebook, or Stumble Upon?
No, I haven't. You may be thinking of someone else. But I hope this doesn't make you reconsider Getting In Toch. (Also noteworthy: this person was selling ‘New Era Hats’ and ‘Canada Goose Coats’)
I definitely like the road you are posting! You receive an engaging sharp end of estimate!
I do, yes. Thank you for noticing. And you have a very nice road, too.

Do you think anyone will be champion of Euro 2012?

Yes, I think someone will. 

Collection of some of your personal information is essential for completion of some of the functions and activities of this Website.
Oh, really? I mean... you do realise this is my website? You’re the one visiting me? But still, I expect you know best. Will my bank details, PIN, and mother’s maiden name be enough?
Someone told me to go onto the website www.dodgywebsite.con  What exactly is this website and will it give me viruses?
Well, you certainly did the right thing by coming here to ask me. Safety first. Tell you what, I’ll just go to that website myself, and then let you know if I get any viruses. How does that sound?
You pretty much said what i could not effectively communicate.
Thank you, I’m touched. Though given what I said in this case was to announce the date and venue of a show I was doing, I’m not surprised you had trouble communicating it. 
You most definitely have made this blog into something thats eye opening and important. You clearly know so much about the subject, you’ve covered so many bases. Great stuff from this part of the internet.
Aw, I'm blushing. Thank you very much, from this part of the internet. 
Great article, but it would be better if in future you can share more about this subject. Keep rocking.
Excellent - good to get some constructive advice. Both about how to make my article better - share more about the subject! Of course! It seems so obvious now you say it! - and of course about whether or not I should continue to rock. 
This is my first message. Please don't delete it.
Do not throw stones at this notice. 

26 comments:

Ashleigh said...

Oh Mr Finnemore, you do make me laugh :)

Mike Trinder said...

You really should get in Toch - it looks lovely:

Mike Trinder said...

Oh. Comedy reply ruined by inability to type HTML correctly...

You really should get in Toch, it looks lovely:
maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=Toch

Pauline said...

Well, thanks for the entertainment tip! I had a look at my spam folder - a paltry one item, but I'd not had the pleasure of reading it yet. The concerned party responded to my holiday to France by offering to rent me a banquet hall. Super handy.

And Mike T: turns out my sister in law lives near Toch. I could get her to get in Toch, if need be.

theficklepickle said...

Oooh, it has? I must examine mine immediately. But I'd imagine you've probably cornered the market when it comes to the Better Class of Spam.

You wouldn't be procrastinating, by any chance?

Sarah-L-B said...

Is anyone else REALLY tempted to go to dodgywebsite.com just to see what happens? :D Can't be any worse than the time I made a typo trying to get to Hotmail...

Anyway, thanks for the laugh! Your work brings me SO much joy. I've really needed a good laugh these past few weeks and your blog, Cabin Pressure and Souvenir Programme have done wonders for putting the smile back on my face :)

Kaitebon said...

Haha!

I never bother to read spam... now I'm beginning to think I should.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern said...

Maybe if blogger didn't have a spam folder me and Guildenstern would actually have some comments... or, after a careful search, perhaps not.

Eclectic Man said...

It seems the Turing Test is alive and well on the Interweb. (Or did you make them up?)

Daedalus said...

"Do not throw stones at this notice" - usually remembered as a prank at the University of York, it turns out this comes from the town of Faringdon, courtesy of the eccentric Lord Berners.

See here

Linda said...

Well, since my brain fails to come up with something witty to say, I´ll just state the obvious: This post was great, really made me laugh :)

Anonymous said...

I flew from Naples to Stansted with EasyJet this evening and the Captain introduced his first officer as "Fab". I still don't know whether that's his name or just a rather lovely description. Somehow I can't imagine it happening on MJN Air. Or maybe I can..?

Miss Pear said...

And there was me about to advertise my fledgling loan business on here. Dammit.

Over on the Mitchell & Webb forum, we get several spam signups - and funnily enough, when they sign up, it always seems to be their birthday... Some are starting to add some delightful little biographies these days, including one who couldn't decide whether he was Ghanan or German. (Turned out to be Polish when we nuked the account.)

I have no spam comments for my blog. Probably because it's barely a blog. I feel bereft now.

Gaia Fay said...

Mr Finnemore, you are wonderful. Please tell me there will be a Christms special of Cabin Pressure this year!! And please tell me where I can get tickets!!!
Your work is, in a word BRILLIANT.

prwelly said...

I want a Canada Goose Coat. A whole coat made of gooses: live ones, squawking away. What a sight I would be. Wardrobe would be a bit messy though.

@Gaia Fay: Don't want speak on John's behalf, but he has already said on the mighty Twitter that there'll be (sadly) no Cabin Pressure Christmas Special this year. Unless he was lying :) Which he probably wasn't.

Anonymous said...

You Are A Perfect Human Being.

Eclectic Man said...

@prwelly

No Cabin Pressure Christmas Special this year? Any chance of last year's being repeated?

TaxTeddy said...

Crikey - this is either inspiring or totally depressing......

It's inspiring because I would just never have thought of replying to automated postings... but depressing bucause I can't even find any on my own blog.

Anonymous said...

I get loads of similar on my blog.

Comments that are walls of dodgy links, then wedged in the middle of the sandwich something surprisingly human, like a modern-day SOS.

Are there real human beings trapped out there, sending desperate messages? Last week I got sent this text dropped in the middle of one spam rant:

pimples are really annoying

Oh, the humanity.

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Some companies use robots to send messages in a desperate way (this method doesn't work at all), but some comments are actually done by humans... persons who are just trying to earn their daily bread.

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Vivian Acres said...

You Are A Perfect Human Being.

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Anonymous said...

Re: Your Souvenir Cabin facebook page, which I can't access as I am a luddite fossil-- :
Re: Oil portrait of unknown guy, ugly yet untrustworthy:

I don't know who your guy is, but he has a family resemblance to Rev Thomas Jollie (who wasn't)
Jollie was a 17th c. dissenting clergyman in Lancashire who was 4 times a widower and landed in jail a few times for his preaching in Lancashire, where you could get away with practically anything, from recusancy to witchcraft. Jollie ran through wives quickly, and his sermons were criminal-- so his portrait in this link is pretty much what you'd expect of such a man):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Jollie

The current Lord of Bowland is a collateral descendant of his; The Current Lord of Bowland is also an eccentric Cambridge Don, so I'd keep an eye on him,-- if you can figure out his real name. ( Apparently this runs in the family.)