Sunday, 15 December 2019

24 Things, a likely story. Thing 15


Saturday, 14 December 2019

24 Things, or so the legend goes. Probably nonsense. Thing 14.


Also drawn for the tour show. And also animated, though that was done by the excellent Chris Lincé, not by me.

And indeed not in Salford. Because in Salford, the computer that we run the show on froze at the start of the Kirates sketch, and Simon and I had to stick our heads round the back cloth and do it live. Whilst in the middle of changing into our red trousers...

Friday, 13 December 2019

24 things, or not, but maybe. Thing 13.



Apologies if this is baffling to non-Brits. But count yourselves lucky.

Thursday, 12 December 2019

24 Things - Half way point, or possibly way over half way point: Thing 12.

Oh no.
It's happened again. 



We've got Muppets.


Wednesday, 11 December 2019

24 Things, plus standard disclaimer. Thing 11.

I've had a request for the Angela fish, so... here she is. Caution: not terribly Christmassy. 






Tuesday, 10 December 2019

24 Things: the in-itself-surprising 'Double Figures' post. Thing 10.


All these things can be clicked for bigger-er, by the way.

Monday, 9 December 2019

24 Things, more or less. Although definitely not more. Thing 9.

After Ken Anderson

Sunday, 8 December 2019

24 Things, or at least, definitely 8. Thing 8.


Saturday, 7 December 2019

24 Things, No Doubt About That, Oh No. Thing 7.



'...So, basically a tube?'

Friday, 6 December 2019

24 things, and if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you. Thing 6.


This is from the tour show. It's the image we put up at the start of the sketch about the designer of the snake, to try to get across the idea of an animal design department. Tomorrow, I'll put up the image that replaces it when the head of the department says he has one or two questions about the new design...

Thursday, 5 December 2019

24 Things, Allegedly, But The Smart Money's On About Eight. Thing Five.

Vroom.

Wednesday, 4 December 2019

24 Things Are Unreliably Promised: Thing 4


As a rule, the more intricate and over-worked the doodle, the worse the writing's going...

Tuesday, 3 December 2019

24 Things Or Fewer: Thing 3


I'm sure he's charming when you get to know him.

Monday, 2 December 2019

24 Things, Potentially, But History Suggests Otherwise. Thing 2.



Sunday, 1 December 2019

24 Things, Theoretically: Thing 1


Will this be the year I actually manage to sustain this? I wouldn't bet on it...

Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Last Call for the Flying Visit

Ok, it's been a while, let's have one last plug.




We're down to the last EVER five shows of John Finnemore's Flying Visit!

We've had an absolutely fantastic time, so we might well do another tour in the future, but if so it won't be this show; so this is the last chance to find out what on earth we're about to do with those Sainsbury's bags and gardening gloves...

So, come along... TONIGHT, at the Leas Cliff Theatre, Folkestone. 

Or, on the 3rd November at Spa Grand Hall, Scarborough.
Or maybe the 4th November, at the Octagon, Sheffield (this one might sell out soon)
Or would you prefer the 5th November, at the Playhouse, Weston Super Mare.

Or, failing all those, our extra date on the 1st December, at the Bloomsbury Theatre, London. 

Or why not go to all five? I mean, you'd have to be a lunatic, but apart from that, why not? 


Sunday, 27 October 2019

I also have an excellent idea for a round thing to go under cars.

Yesterday, I was messing around on a piano (at which I'm very bad indeed), trying to work out how to do the fingering on Susannah Pearse's and my version of Pachelbel's Canon. Eventually, after a lot of painstaking trial and error, I found that it seemed to help with the doobie doobies if I tried to always play D with my thumb. Indeed, so helpful was this little trick of mine that I thought I'd leave a note for myself on the top of the score, for next time I tried it. So, I went and found a pencil, and prepared to write down my important discovery. Just under the title. Which is... 'Canon in D'.

Ah. So THAT's what that means.

Wednesday, 23 October 2019

Millionaire Lifestyle



I have since been informed that a thing is not technically enrobed in chocolate if it is not entirely covered.  I'm glad I didn't know that when I wrote this. Because 'enrobed' is a funny word.

Saturday, 12 October 2019

Quasimodo


Originally, I played Quasimodo and Simon played Victor. I don't know why it worked so much better this way round, but it really did.

Wednesday, 25 September 2019

Oh bother.

Thing that unexpectedly made me laugh out loud: Christopher (Robin) Milne's description of his father Alan (A.A.) Milne's clumsy table manners, from his memoir 'The Enchanted Places':

'It was generally agreed within the family that my father couldn't eat a pear without getting his elbows wet, and that after a honey sandwich he had to have a bath.'


A.A.Milne, for once triumphantly dry of elbow. Portrait by 'Spy' (Leslie Ward)



Monday, 23 September 2019

Slightly Off



I still don't know what the truth behind this sketch is, by the way. A little bit of research shows that some of the characters are vinyl decals, and some of them are indeed hand-painted. But I still don't know why they're slightly off (the decals, at least, you'd think would be accurate), or why they don't get shut down for copyright infringement, or why that ice-cream in a bowl with cherries all over it - which looks like it was drawn in maybe the 1950s - still pops up on, for instance, this van I saw the day before yesterday.


Bonus points for fadedness, and presence of Donald Duck's nephews, though minus one point because Stanley absent-mindedly included all three.

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

Spiny Porcupine


I write the lyrics to the songs in Souvenir Programme, and the amazing Susannah Pearse writes the music. Unfortunately, both of us prefer to go second - that is, I like writing to existing music, and she likes setting existing words. So, when she wins, I often write the lyrics to the tune of an existing song, without telling Sue which one. Then, once I hear her music, I rewrite the lyrics to fit them better. So, for instance, 'Captain Dinosaur' started out life to the tune of 'Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory of the Coming of The Lord'... and 'Spiny Porcupine' was originally written to Jake Thackray's 'Sister Josephine'.

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We're on tour! I know you know this by now, but just in case. We've done three dates so far, we're having a fantastic time... and we still have twenty-three to go. Come and see us! Dates and ticket links here. 

Tuesday, 27 August 2019

New Friend


It's not often that a sketch comes directly from something I see, but this one did. I saw a guy ahead of me get pulled out of a queue at the airport- and the sniffer dog who found him was in a tail-wagging frenzy of joy. And that was the first time it had ever occurred to me to wonder what the dog thought he and his master were doing...

Friday, 23 August 2019

Horsebox


"Not entirely horseless, by the sound of it..."

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

Special Offer



(I may do more of there. On the other hand, I may start with good intentions, but then quickly run out of steam, and stop after only a handful. It's impossible to say. But I know which way I'd bet.)

Thursday, 15 August 2019

Very few camels about today. Precious few mice, come to that.

Photo credit: Mary Lee Agnew

Here is a poem by Kahlil Gibran:
A fox looked at his shadow at sunrise and said, "I will have a camel for lunch today." And all morning he went about looking for camels. But at noon he saw his shadow again - and he said, "A mouse will do."

A writer looked at his word count at sunrise...

Still, if you also had a mouse day today, take heart. Here's Ralph Waldo Emerson to cheer us up:

We do not know whether we are busy or idle. In times when we thought ourselves indolent, we have afterwards discovered, that much was accomplished, and much was begun in us. All our days are so unprofitable while they pass, that 'tis wonderful where or when we ever got anything of this which we call wisdom, poetry, virtue. We never got it on any dated calendar day. Some heavenly days must have been intercalated somewhere.

Thanks, Ralph! And nice use of 'intercalated'.

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I'm on tour from September to November! Venues and ticket links here.


Tuesday, 13 August 2019

What did the crab DO?



Leaning on the wall waiting for a hand out
Ludlow's dog, yesterday.
Some of my favourite Victorian era Cornish Proverbs and Phrases, as recorded by Joseph Thomas, 'late of St. Michael's Mount, Marazion', in 1895.

Gaping like a duck against thunder.
Scrumped up like a hedgehog
All one side, like a crab going to gaol.
Always head and chief, like Jimmy Eellis 'mong the cats.
Worse than dirty butter and bally-ack
All on one side, like Smoothy's wedding.

And my absolute favourite:

Like Ludlow's dog - leaning against the wall to bark

('Bally-ack', by the way, is an ache in the belly. Not where you were thinking. )

Thursday, 1 August 2019

John Finnemore's Flying Visit

Aylesbury_1080x1080.png



If you've managed to find your way to see this, despite the fact that I've temporarily redirected johnfinnemore.com to go to a page of dates and ticket links for my UK tour in the Autumn, then you almost certainly already know that from September to November, I'm going on tour with the cast of Souvenir Programme. But in case you don't... I am!

It'll be mostly the same show as the one we did last year, which is why we've kept the title the same, and why we're not going back to any of the same venues. We will be swapping in some different sketches, though. I'd say not enough to encourage you to come again if you saw it last time... but enough not to actively discourage you. Which is just as well, because my producer turns out to have some quite strongly-held opinions about me actively discouraging people from coming.

If we're not coming to your town, my apologies. It will probably be for one of the following reasons:

1) It's too far away to be affordable to travel to, with a cast of five, a crew of three, and some very silly props.
2) There isn't a venue in the right size range for us.
3) There is, but they didn't have an available date.
4) There is, and they did... but they didn't want our show.
5) Margaret has been banned from your town because of something she did in what she calls her 'wild years' (2004-the present day)

For most places in the UK, it's most likely to be either 2, 3, or, of course 5. So many 5s...




Saturday, 27 July 2019

Twenty-Four Things - Thing Seventeen


Wednesday, 24 July 2019

A Likely Story.


This is Evelyn Cheesman. She was a British entomologist, collector and traveller, who was the first female curator at London Zoo, and collected around 70,000 specimens for the Natural History Museum from across the South Pacific, during a lifetime of long solo expeditions, the last of which she made at the age of 73. If you want to read more about her - and really, at this point, how could you not? - here's a good place to start.

Anyway, in one of her many books about her adventures, 'Time Well Spent', she talks about the types of knowledge that indigenous people were prepared to accept from a foreigner and a woman, and that which they were not. To summarise, she says they were prepared to accept facts about things they'd never seen before - cameras, for instance - but not about things familiar to them.

"I am thinking now of the people on Malekula, New Hebrides, who did not know that a caterpillar changed into a butterfly. That new idea was too much to swallow from a stranger. One serious old man made a speech purporting to assure me that, even if this irregular sort of thing took place in my country, I need not expect it to occur on their island."