Saturday, 30 July 2005

'Yes, actually, this IS the time for complacency', announces police chief.

Chief Constable Richard Holyfield surprised many this evening by announcing at a press conference that, following the arrest of the four suspects in the attempted bombings of last week, now was the time for complacency. ‘We’ve got ‘em!’ said a delighted Holyfield, beaming out on the crowd. ‘We’ve got ‘em all, and quite frankly I think it’s time we rested on our laurels awhile, and congratulated ourselves on a job well done.’ At this point, the Chief Constable sat back in an easy chair brought on to the platform by two PCs, undid the top button of his shirt, and let out a contented sigh. ‘Yep, I think you’ll find that’s the last we’ll hear of “terror attacks on London”.’ he continued, cracking open a can of beer and kicking off his shoes. ‘I have a funny feeling that from now on everything’s going to be juuuust fine.’ When asked whether now might not more prudently be the time for cautious satisfaction, Holyfield waved the question away with the stem of his pipe. ‘No, young man’ he said ‘now is the time for complacency. For years, we policemen and politicians have been saying that this or that time is not the time for complacency, in a manner suggesting that there will come a time when ill-founded over-optimism and self-regard will be just what the doctor ordered. Well, that time has come. I am fully persuaded that everything will probably work out fine, and it is therefore perfectly legitimate to let down our guard, and take our eye off the ball. And now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my nap.’