Things I have said to hills today. Out loud.

• Oh no, no. No.
• God, no.
• You bastard!
• Piss off
  
• I don't believe you. (To a hill that was pretending it was just a long gentle slope down now.)
  
• What in ****ing **** is the point of you? (To three hills, all visible at once, which left a road at the same height at which it began)
  
• Oh, yes, you're flat now. (To a hill that stopped being a hill at the point where I turned off it)
  
• Just stop it.
  

Watch out! Christ's About!

Sign outside a church in Chatham. 'Jesus is closer than you think'.

They were aiming, I suppose, for 'Thought-Provoking', but they seriously overshot and landed bang in the middle of 'Scary'.

Two announcements that surprised me today.

Woman on the radio: 'About one in five people with anorexia will ultimately die'.

I am agog to know what will happen to the other four.

Sign on hoarding outside building work on Oxford Street: 'Another exciting branch of HSBC opens here soon.'

I can hardly wait. What do you think the exciting part will be? Log flumes to the cheque cashing machines? Randomised hole in the wall that gives you anything from a penny to a million pounds? Bears as cashiers?