Duel

Now that I'm doing Substack properly it seems a little odd - somehow disloyal - to essentially be blogging regularly again after all this time, but not to be doing it here. So I'm going to do a bit of cross-pollination. I'm including some old blog posts from here on my Substack (though not more than one per edition), and some new stuff from Substack on here. Not sure quite why, but let's try it and see how it goes. 

Here's something suitably Hallowe'en-y from this week's: 

There’s a spider in my car. I know this, because every morning when I get into it, there is a new cobweb somewhere. Usually between the dashboard and the windscreen, but this morning, rather suggestively, between the seat and the steering wheel. Y’know… the spot where an observant and ambitious spider might perhaps have noticed I tend to put myself.

My car, yesterday.

ALT TEXT: A cobweb covered steering wheel in a rusted abandoned car. 


Well, atmospheric though of course this is in the week of Hallowe’en (a period I am not yet ready to call ‘spooky season’. I haven’t even given up on the apostrophe in Hallowe’en yet) I’d still quite like to find and evict the spider. Not for my sake, but for its sake - I don’t think there are as many flies in my car as this spider hopes. But I can’t find it. It’s never lurking at the edge or middle of the new cobweb, the way I thought spiders were supposed to do. Perhaps it has a subtler plan. Anyway, it’s been five or six days now, and I still haven’t caught the spider. But on the plus side, it still hasn’t caught me.

Very dry, cuckoos.

It would be a shame to let this ancient, creaky, spam-riddled throwback of a blog die off completely just because I'm experimenting with Substack. 

That said, I AM experimenting with Substack, and I'll be sending one out tomorrow. Subscribe here should you care to receive it:

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But in the meantime, in the above spirit of keeping the old place alive, here is a little preview, in the shape of some performance indications I enjoyed from piano scores by Eric Satie. 

Assez lent, si vous le voulez bien

Rather slow, if it's alright with you.

Plein de subtilité, si vous m'en croyez

Very subtle, if you believe me.

Apparent

Show off

Sec comme un coucou

Dry as a cuckoo

Peu saignant

Slightly bloody

Les danseurs reçoivent chacun un coup de sabre qui leur fend la tête

Each of the dancers is hit with a sabre which splits his head open.

Eric Satie being dry as a cuckoo.

'Untitled Mystery' the untitled mystery update: now titled.

Do you happen to remember I said last year I was writing a murder mystery puzzle in the form of a box of postcards? Well... I've written it. I'm very proud of it. And this is what it's called:

 

Alt text: A trailer, made by the excellent people at Stage Fright Films, which eventually tells you it's called 'The Researcher's First Murder', and revealing the excellent cover illustration by Tom Gauld.

You can pre-order it here, and I won't at all mind if you do. 

But sure, as it happens number 12 would have been: Put wooden chopping boards in the dishwasher.

 

1) Order the fish in a restaurant on a Monday. It'll be three days old. 

2) Base-jumping. He just doesn't see the appeal.

3) Cheat on his wife. Sandra is his world. 

4) Open a new battlefront without adequately securing supply lines first. This one probably won't come up. But still, he'd never do it. Look at Napoleon. 

5) That. He'll do anything for love. But. 

Edit: For some reason, a lot of people seem to be complaining that none of these have anything to do with dishwashers. Why should they? Our dishwasher expert knows a lot about dishwashers, sure, but they're not his whole life. Get some perspective, people.