The hairline of Captain Martin Crieff - an official statement.

Ok, ok, firstly: everyone keep calm. Take deep breaths. It's all going to be okay. We got through Doodle-gate, we can get through this. 

So, I've been getting some emails...

Male pattern baldness. Which does not necessarily = unattractive, may I just point out.

Right. My rule has always been: if something is mentioned in a broadcast episode of Cabin Pressure, then it's a fact (well, actually, a fiction, but you know what I mean), like it or not. For instance, Martin is short. I know a lot of people wish he wasn't, but he is; it's been mentioned several times in various episodes, and no amount of pointing out that the actor who plays him happens to be tall is going to change that. Sorry. 

However, anything NOT mentioned in a broadcast episode - anything in a script that then gets cut, or a recording that then gets edited, or, I don't know, mentioned as a personal theory in an informal Q and A in a pub, is up for grabs. For instance, how many children does Douglas have? I have my theory, others may have theirs - until I put my version into a script, they're equally valid. 

You may be able to see where I'm going with this. 

As far as I remember, Martin's hair has never been mentioned on air. Carolyn is described as white-haired, Douglas may or may not be 'tinting'; but the locks of the supreme commander remain a mystery.  Is he ginger? Is he perhaps thinning a little on top? Does he have a massive afro? Nobody knows. Until someone talks about it in an episode, it's a mystery: an uncollapsed waveform, simultaneously luxuriant and ginger; brown and sparse; and for that matter pink and dreadlocked. Schroedinger's hairline.  

Schroedinger's hairline. A matter of historic record.

Now, personally.... as I believe I may have casually mentioned last night... when I picture Martin, I imagine him with a 'sun-roof' style bald spot on the crown of his head, which he's rather sensitive about. But until and unless I choose to mention that in a broadcast episode, that's just my theory- no more or less valid than anyone else's. 

I have no current plans to mention it in an episode. 

Yet. 

What horrors - or glories - lie beneath this cap? Nobody knows. 

And definitely don't look at the armband on his wing...

Hey kids! Who wants a ride on this jolly cartoon aeroplane? That's right, everybody does! Look how  silly and friendly he is!

Here he is again! What a merry little fellow! Look at his big smile!  Oh, and what's that on your side, Mister Aeroplane? It almost looks like an...

...Oh. Yes. An Iron Cross. That's... nice. And I notice you're not a biplane, so presumably you earned that in the, um, in the second world... 

Hey kids! Let's go and ride on the funny caterpillar!

Cabin Pressure Update

Sorry it's been quiet around here - hopefully you'll be pleased to hear it's because I've been busy trying to come up with things for these guys to do:

Speaking of which - some news! Though we still haven't got the dates totally nailed down, it's looking increasingly likely we'll be recording series 4 before the end of the year. There will be three recordings, and as usual, tickets will be free, but given out by lottery to people who apply for them from the BBC ticketing website. They are not up there yet - I will put a link here as soon as they are.

In the meantime, however, something else Cabin Pressure related will be happening in October and November. I want to be quite discreet about putting details online, so if you would like to know more, please go here. But if I say that it may be of particular interest to people who came to any of the Priory Engagements over the summer, that may give you a clue. Whatever it is, it does not involve any of the cast (except me.)