And anyone who says we don't is a dirty liar.

I do love it when you can tell someone really loves their job. 

Hard to say what the uppermost emotion is here. Excitement? Pride? Or simple joie de vivre? In any case, it's clearly a sign made by someone who just can't contain their delight any longer. 'Look at us, Ma! We sell paint! They said we could never sell paint; that the paint market was stitched up by the big paint barons; that two fresh-faced kids from the sticks would never get anything out of the paint biz but a punch in the snoot and a hatful of broken dreams... but we stuck to it, Ma, and we showed 'em all! We sell paint! We're King of the Worrrrrld!' 

One to remember for 'I Have Never...'

You know how sometimes when you're asked whether or not you've done something, it can be hard to be sure one way or the other?

'Have I ever been to Shropshire... Hmm, don't think so, but I might have been, maybe on a family holiday...' 

'Have I ever eaten sashimi... possibly... is that the sliced salmon one, or the one that's wrapped in seaweed?'

And then, other times, you can be fairly certain. 

Do you know what, I never have. 

Things I know are true, but can't quite bring myself to believe.

That the word 'draught' is pronounced 'draft' and not 'drought'. I must have confused the two words early on, and then read 'draught' as 'drought' to myself so many times that, even now, the sentence 'There's a drought coming in under the door' doesn't sound wrong to me. I know it is wrong. But it doesn't sound wrong.

That if today is a Sunday, you can find the date of next Sunday by adding seven to today's date. I mean, of course you can. There are seven days in a week. I know that; that is definitely one of the things I know. But still, when people casually do that calculation - 'let's see, it's the fourteenth today, so next Sunday's the twenty first' - I'm amazed at their confidence. Don't they want to check? For instance, after writing that sentence just now, I checked it.

That if you're in the vanguard, you are at the front of something, not the rear. I know exactly whose fault this misconception is, too: Thomas the Tank Engine's. Because if Thomas taught me anything - and he definitely did - it was that the guard's van is at the back of the train. And clearly being 'in the vanguard' and 'in the guard's van' got fatally confused in my brain at some early stage, and have never been entirely disentangled.

That eyes evolved. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite sure they did. But did they really? Yes, they did, they definitely did. (But not really.) No, seriously, they did. I know that. (But not really.) 

Not even sure I'd need seconds, plural...

You see that sign, with the picture of the fierce dog on it? It reads: 

'I can make the gate in seconds. Can you?'

]

Well... er... since you ask...  yes.