Wednesday 23 November 2005

Tune in next week for: The Martians Go Home Again

Listing from Radio 7:

Doctor Who
Invaders from Mars: The Martians are coming. The Martians have landed. Episode 4 of 4.

Makes you wonder a bit about the other three episodes...

Doctor Who
Invaders from Mars: The Martians are coming. The Martians pack, ask the neighbours to feed the Mars-Dog and leave Mars. Episode 1 of 4.

Doctor Who
Invaders from Mars: The Martians are coming. The Martians continue on their journey. Some of the Martians play i-spy. It's always S for sun, or S for space. Episode 2 of 4.

Doctor Who
Invaders from Mars: The Martians are coming. The Martians are still on their way. But by the end of the episode, they'll be nearly there, honest. Meanwhile, on Earth, the producer of Doctor Who begins to wonder if he was right to trust the scriptwriter who told him this was such a great story it could only truly be told over four episodes. Episode 3 of 4.

Spoilt for choice

I was seeking out the lyrics to Hugh Laurie's excellent song 'Mystery' today, and one of the sites Google found me proclaimed:

Our HUGH LAURIE Section contains all the songs you could possibly want.

A proud boast, and perhaps also rather a bold one, given that their HUGH LAURIE section contains... no songs. Now, I'm no great music buff, but even I, when trying to imagine how many songs I could possibly want, tend on the whole to go for a number in excess of nought. Still, even if this was a little disappointing, they were about to win me right back on side with a truly astonishing offer.

Browse our entire collection of HUGH LAURIE SONG LYRICS for free!

The entire collection? For free? Sirs, your generosity overwhelms me.

Thursday 17 November 2005

Thomas or Jeremy?

Well, the results are in. And I can tell you now that out of a possible 42 correct Tom/Jerry differentiations, you collectively scored... 18. So, we can draw two conclusions. For the average man on the street there is, contrary to what Tomish or Jerrimiad extremists will tell you, no way to tell Toms from Jerries. Whether dressed as soldiers, vicars, or Fathers Christmas; they are indistinguishable. However. It would seem there do walk among us certain individuals with abnormal and inexplicable Tom and Jerry sorting powers. So, should you be in a position where it is absolutely imperative that a Tom be told from a Jerry- or vice versa- you have two options. Call Karyn, possessor of unearthly powers of Tom/Jerry divination that have baffled the sceptics societies of three continents. Or, call either of the Jameses. And believe the exact opposite of whatever they tell you.

A Tom and a Jerry, yesterday.

Thursday 10 November 2005

Tom or Jerry?

Since time immemorial, Toms and Jerries have been sworn enemies. Over and over again, this ancient conflict has been played out: in the famous cartoons; in the battlefields of the First World War, where British Tommies were pitched against German Jerries; and perhaps most poignantly of all, in 'The Good Life'.

But are they really so different? I say no, and I invite you now to put aside your bias - whether it be towards Toms or Jerries - and put this question to a scientific test.

Below are eight pairs of Toms and Jerries. Use your skill and knowledge of how Toms tend to differ from Jerries to identify which is which. Then, right click each photo, and click 'properties' for the correct answer. Then post your score in the 'comments' section, and we will be able to discover, definitively and scientifically, whether Toms and Jerries can indeed be differentiated with the naked eye. Rest assured that all these photos ARE genuine Toms or Jerries - not a Thomas, a Jeremy, or even a Gerry has been allowed to creep in.

Ready? Good. Off we go.

Tom or Jerry?

Tom or Jerry?

Reverend Tom or Reverend Jerry?

Musical Tom or Musical Jerry?

Soldier Tom or Soldier Jerry?

Festive Tom or Festive Jerry?

Canine Tom or Canine Jerry?

There. How did you do? I can hardly wait to find out.

My thanks to all theToms and Jerries who unknowingly participated in this quiz. Naturally, if you would like your picture removed, you only have to say.