Monday 30 April 2007

Why, who will it help?

Sometimes when I'm watching or reading the news, I get an uneasy feeling that it's to no-one's benefit that I'm seeing this. Obviously the video made by the Virginia Tech killer is a recent example of this, but there are other, subtler ones all the time, even in news media I respect.

"Watch Natallie Evans' reaction"? Do you know what, I'm not entirely certain it's necessary that I do.

Saturday 14 April 2007

I wouldn't marry you if you were...

According to the BBC:

'Duncan Larcombe, the Sun's royal correspondent, told BBC Five Live: "The last person on earth who's going to be pressured by newspaper columnists and television chat shows to get married is Prince William."'

People on earth who may temporarily have slipped Duncan Larcombe's mind:

Mr. Samat Ozer, a washing machine repairman from Trabzon, Turkey.
Mrs. Rosa Inez Alverez, a great-grandmother from Turillo, Venezuela.
Mr. Yan Shujian, a goatherd from Xing'an province, Inner Mongolia.
Pope Benedict XXVI.
Duncan Larcombe.
In fact, given that I cannot think of anyone else at all who IS being pressured by columnists or chat shows (why chat shows? Does William even go on chat shows? Surely not) to get married... Everyone else in the world.

Or, alternatively, Mr. Larcombe may have inadvertently used the word 'last' when in fact he meant... 'first'. It's easily done.

Monday 2 April 2007

You can always go and GET the arrow, surely? Lazy, lazy Omar.

Quote on repulsive 'Promoting Creativity' leaflet lying around the office I've borrowed:

"Four things never come back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past and the neglected opportunity."

Omar Idn Al-Halif.

Wise words, Omar. Though to be honest, item three on your list - the past - sort of encompasses at least two of the other three. But if you're going to be so specific, why stop there? Here's my revised and improved version.

"Amongst the many, many things that never come back are the following nine things:
The spoken word.
The spent arrow.
The past.
The neglected opportunity.
The ill-trained dog.
The stick.
The Global Hypercolor T-shirt.
The deadbeat Dad.
The HMS Titanic.

But hey, it's not all bad news! Four things that DO come back:
The boomerang
The spawning salmon
The Last of the Summer Wine
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

John Finnemore (Based on an original, but stupid, idea by Omar Idn Al-Halif)