Slightly Off

I still don't know what the truth behind this sketch is, by the way. A little bit of research shows that some of the characters are vinyl decals, and some of them are indeed hand-painted. But I still don't know why they're slightly off (the decals, at least, you'd think would be accurate), or why they don't get shut down for copyright infringement, or why that ice-cream in a bowl with cherries all over it - which looks like it was drawn in maybe the 1950s - still pops up on, for instance, this van I saw the day before yesterday.

Bonus points for fadedness, and presence of Donald Duck's nephews, though minus one point because Stanley absent-mindedly included all three.

Very few camels about today. Precious few mice, come to that.

Photo credit: Mary Lee Agnew

Here is a poem by Kahlil Gibran:

A fox looked at his shadow at sunrise and said, "I will have a camel for lunch today." And all morning he went about looking for camels. But at noon he saw his shadow again - and he said, "A mouse will do."

A writer looked at his word count at sunrise...

Still, if you also had a mouse day today, take heart. Here's Ralph Waldo Emerson to cheer us up:

We do not know whether we are busy or idle. In times when we thought ourselves indolent, we have afterwards discovered, that much was accomplished, and much was begun in us. All our days are so unprofitable while they pass, that 'tis wonderful where or when we ever got anything of this which we call wisdom, poetry, virtue. We never got it on any dated calendar day. Some heavenly days must have been intercalated somewhere.

Thanks, Ralph! And nice use of 'intercalated'.

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I'm on tour from September to November! Venues and ticket links here.

Min...nie, how I love ya, how I love ya, my dear ol' Minnie.

You don't hear so much these days about Mickey Mouse's stint in the Black and White Minstrel Show, do you?

...Not unless you ride the Bakerloo line on the London Underground. 

Their Lordships and the mice.

I tell you who's a funny man. Lord Brabazon of Tara, he's a funny man. This is him:

He is the Chairman of Committees in the House of Lords, and was a Tory whip under Margaret Thatcher. I sense this does not help convince you of his comic talent. But then, you have not heard him on the subject of mice.

There was a short but terrific debate in the Lords this month, basically about whether or not the House of Lords should get a cat.  If you have two minutes, please do read all of it, but here are the bits where Lord Brabazon particularly shines:

The Chairman of Committees: My Lords, I am well aware that there are still mice around. I saw one in the Bishops' Bar only yesterday evening. I do not know whether it was the same one that I saw the day before or a different one; it is always difficult to tell the difference between the various mice that one sees.

Already, you can see this guy has got something. 'The various mice that one sees.' Your Lordship, you have my attention. He's also excellent on the subject of the Westminster 'mouse helpline' that it turns out exists. When asked what other helplines there are:

The Chairman of Committees: I rather hope that we do not have too many other ones. I was not going to advertise the existence of the mouse helpline, although it was advertised some time ago. Indeed, I invited Members of the House to telephone when they saw mice. The trouble is that when the person at the other end of the helpline goes to check this out, very often the mouse has gone elsewhere.

That 'very often' is superb. As is 'elsewhere'. But, I admit, at this stage it is still possible that his Lordship is not being deliberately funny; that this is not dry humour, but just the way he talks. However, all doubt is removed with this brilliantly self-depricating put-down to some smartarse making the dreariest imaginable sixth-form-debate style non-joke:

Lord Pilkington of Oxenford: Why should I and noble Lords trust the Executive to deal with mice when they cannot deal with the economy?

The Chairman of Committees: My Lords, I do not actually deal with the economy. I am glad to say that that would be above my pay grade, whereas trying to deal with the mice is probably just about right for me.

I beg to differ. Lord Brabazon of Tara, your country needs you. You have about two weeks to renounce your title and seize the leadership of your party. If we're going to have a Conservative Prime Minister, I want it to be you.  

At least his was wireless.

Last year, I wrote a sketch about a brilliant Renaissance inventor whose curse was that he was so far ahead of his time he invented the computer mouse before anyone had invented the computer.

Today, I came across this picture in the catalogue of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

It was made by the ancient Egyptians. Poor old Barbieri - five hundred years ahead of his time; three thousand years behind it.

See also, example of atypical murine / fuliguline amity in the works of Walt Disney.

I love Wikipedia, but sometimes it can be such an idiot. This is from the entry on Tom and Jerry:

The plots of each short usually center on Tom's (the cat) numerous attempts to capture Jerry (the mouse) and the mayhem and destruction that ensues. Since Tom rarely attempts to eat Jerry and because the pair actually seem to get along in some cartoon shorts it is unclear why Tom chases Jerry so much. Some reasons given may include normal feline/murine enmity, duty according to his owner, Jerry's attempt at ruining a task that Tom is entrusted with, revenge, Jerry saving other potential prey (such as ducks, canaries, or goldfish) from being eaten by Tom or competition with another cat, among other reasons.

Yes, it's a real puzzler, isn't it? Why does Tom (the cat) chase Jerry (the mouse) so much? Why aren't there more cartoon shorts in which Jerry (the mouse) helps Tom (the cat) with his tax return, or the pair of them do a crossword together? Why the constant chasing? Which of the some reasons given among other reasons can possibly explain it? I feel like we were almost on to something with 'normal feline/murine enmity', but... no, it's gone again. Just one of life's unsolved mysteries, I suppose. Maybe when Wikipedia has finally raised the six million dollars it keeps banging on about, we'll finally have the resources to work it out.

No mention of their sworn enemy, the Sodding Fat-Faced Cat.

Good news, everybody! It has just come to my attention that there lives in Madagascar a species of rodent - in the Nesomyidae family, since you ask - known as the Bastard Big-Footed Mouse. See, don't you find that this bleak, cold, new year's world suddenly seems that much happier a place to be, knowing we share it with Bastard Big-Footed Mice?