Very dry, cuckoos.

It would be a shame to let this ancient, creaky, spam-riddled throwback of a blog die off completely just because I'm experimenting with Substack. 

That said, I AM experimenting with Substack, and I'll be sending one out tomorrow. Subscribe here should you care to receive it:

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But in the meantime, in the above spirit of keeping the old place alive, here is a little preview, in the shape of some performance indications I enjoyed from piano scores by Eric Satie. 

Assez lent, si vous le voulez bien

Rather slow, if it's alright with you.

Plein de subtilité, si vous m'en croyez

Very subtle, if you believe me.

Apparent

Show off

Sec comme un coucou

Dry as a cuckoo

Peu saignant

Slightly bloody

Les danseurs reçoivent chacun un coup de sabre qui leur fend la tête

Each of the dancers is hit with a sabre which splits his head open.

Eric Satie being dry as a cuckoo.

'Untitled Mystery' the untitled mystery update: now titled.

Do you happen to remember I said last year I was writing a murder mystery puzzle in the form of a box of postcards? Well... I've written it. I'm very proud of it. And this is what it's called:

 

Alt text: A trailer, made by the excellent people at Stage Fright Films, which eventually tells you it's called 'The Researcher's First Murder', and revealing the excellent cover illustration by Tom Gauld.

You can pre-order it here, and I won't at all mind if you do. 

But sure, as it happens number 12 would have been: Put wooden chopping boards in the dishwasher.

 

1) Order the fish in a restaurant on a Monday. It'll be three days old. 

2) Base-jumping. He just doesn't see the appeal.

3) Cheat on his wife. Sandra is his world. 

4) Open a new battlefront without adequately securing supply lines first. This one probably won't come up. But still, he'd never do it. Look at Napoleon. 

5) That. He'll do anything for love. But. 

Edit: For some reason, a lot of people seem to be complaining that none of these have anything to do with dishwashers. Why should they? Our dishwasher expert knows a lot about dishwashers, sure, but they're not his whole life. Get some perspective, people.