Monday, 8 August 2005

And Now, A Commercial Break.

Probably silly not to mention this here. If anyone is looking for a room in a flat in Central London (Zone 1) for £505 a month, get in touch. There's one in this flat. It's very nice. There, has that sold it to you?


John Finnemore said...

No, no, for the love of God stop this pitiless torrent of responses! The room has gone now. You're all too late.

Anonymous said...

12th February 2014.

Dear John,

I have been thinking hard about this for the past nearly-decade.

I have drawn up a fabulously complex wall chart/app in which I can weigh up the pros and cons of your offer.

To be honest it took a while to get all of the bits of metal together to build the robot required to extract the information from said chart/app when (eventually) it was finished, coloured, decorated and the glitter and LEDs were fully applied.

There was a complication in the construction of the first robot - when, on tightening the final nut, I became horribly aware of its resemblance to my late father.

You will understand that my father's suicide in 1991 has had a crushing effect on both my confidence and robot design tolerance.

On completion of the second robot (designed to look like a peahen, for the sake of my fragile sanity), I hired then "popular" "Disc Jockey" Jonathan King to flip the switch to bring life to the 48 tonne metal giant (a very big peahen).

It was a sad coincidence that the ribbon cutting coincided so publicly with Mr King's ...fair...and...subsequent unavailability. He even carried the giant and hilarious scissors with him to the back of the police car. And that's one deposit I won't be getting back.

The peahen robot sat dormant for many months until during one of my many counselling sessions, a doctor (possibly a lady doctor - I couldn't tell) told me that I could switch it on myself.

So I did. The giant bird went bad, broke some railway lines, had brutal sex with my doorbell chime box and ate my wall chart. And home.

That was yesterday.

So I have now returned to this email with a cup of tea and a tired heart...

Yes. You know what? I would like to live in London very much. Always fancied it and it's not like I don't travel up a lot.

And £550 seems very reasonable, especially in the current climate.

Yes. I've decided. YES. 100% yes. It'll be great. I will absolutely take the

excuse me.

remas haytham said...

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